I have temporarily taken down the other 2 articles dealing with this issue because several people have been concerned that I might be in the wrong and it could have been considered a case of degradation of character. That is the last thing I want; I don't want to continue the same things that are happening to Danae and I, I want it to stop.
I still, however, want to post some of the information for the following reasons:
1) I want people to know the truth about things that are being said about Danae and I
2) I want to use the information to give advice or receive advice from others who may be going through a similar problem
3) This blog is basically like a journal to me so I want to post about major events that happen in my life, and this, I believe, could fall under that category
I'm not sure exactly what information I need to take out of the previous posts before re posting them, but I'll prayerfully consider all my options.
Danae and I have been so worried about people calling DHS on us again, that we just went ahead and called them ourselves today. You may think I'm joking, but I am serious. We just called to let them know what was going on and to get some advice. After that I called our church to get advice from one of the pastors there. I'm really glad that I did that. I got a bunch of verses to read up on and I will make sure I do that tomorrow. Also, we got the name of a lawyer to call that can point us in the right direction for anything that we might need for any possible legal action against us.
This really sucks, you know?
I have been assured in a text message that there will be no legal action taken, so that will be a good thing if it is true. I already have enough knots in my stomach about this whole situation anyway without adding the stress, expense, and time required for a legal case.
In case the other two posts never reappear, the very quick run down is that I disagreed with several things that a certain individual was doing and I told that person they were not welcome at our home. I know this sounds like a harsh reaction, but when events have been going on for years and apology after apology is given and then gone back on, trust is broken and the responses have to escalate each time.
It was comforting today to be able to talk to a pastor who agreed that the course of action mentioned above was appropriate, nothing and nobody should slander or tear down my wife or child (Nothing bad was said against Malikai, just against Danae and I). I hate having this situation, especially with someone I have been close to for many years but events just cannot continue the way they are.
What is it that I'm expecting? A repentant and loving heart, and to be treated like an adult and parent. I don't expect anybody to just bow down and agree with whatever Danae and I do or say, but to have a loving heart about it and to respect us as parents and adults.
Also what we did today regarding this was to hear from someone who has a friend that used to be a DHS worker, so she called and got some information. Even the DHS worker said that we are doing everything right. She gave us some advice of things to do that would help us out as parents and as potential victims to another DHS investigation, but nothing that we are doing could be used against us. Even the main issue that is being brought up, if we should use baby wipes or give Malikai a bath, she said that is perfectly fine. We were given this persons number so we can talk directly later if needed, but I really hope that nothing further develops in this whole situation.
A friend of our family has been praying for us in this whole situation, and today God spoke to her heart while she was reading the Bible. She wants me to pass along a message to the person who is causing us so much strife right now, so please, if you are reading it, this isn't from me. I know that you hate it when I quote scripture, but Danae and I said we would pass this message along so I am.
Well, that's all that I have to say today, please pray for this situation. I know that Danae and I will be praying, for us to make the right actions and to resolve this conflict.Isaiah 59
Separated from God
1 Behold, the LORD’s hand is not shortened,
That it cannot save;
Nor His ear heavy,
That it cannot hear.
2 But your iniquities have separated you from your God;
And your sins have hidden His face from you,
So that He will not hear.
3 For your hands are defiled with blood,
And your fingers with iniquity;
Your lips have spoken lies,
Your tongue has muttered perversity.
4 No one calls for justice,
Nor does any plead for truth.
They trust in empty words and speak lies;
They conceive evil and bring forth iniquity.
5 They hatch vipers’ eggs and weave the spider’s web;
He who eats of their eggs dies,
And from that which is crushed a viper breaks out.
6 Their webs will not become garments,
Nor will they cover themselves with their works;
Their works are works of iniquity,
And the act of violence is in their hands.
7 Their feet run to evil,
And they make haste to shed innocent blood;
Their thoughts are thoughts of iniquity;
Wasting and destruction are in their paths.
8 The way of peace they have not known,
And there is no justice in their ways;
They have made themselves crooked paths;
Whoever takes that way shall not know peace.Sin Confessed
9 Therefore justice is far from us,
Nor does righteousness overtake us;
We look for light, but there is darkness!
For brightness, but we walk in blackness!
10 We grope for the wall like the blind,
And we grope as if we had no eyes;
We stumble at noonday as at twilight;
We are as dead men in desolate places.
11 We all growl like bears,
And moan sadly like doves;
We look for justice, but there is none;
For salvation, but it is far from us.
12 For our transgressions are multiplied before You,
And our sins testify against us;
For our transgressions are with us,
And as for our iniquities, we know them:
13 In transgressing and lying against the LORD,
And departing from our God,
Speaking oppression and revolt,
Conceiving and uttering from the heart words of falsehood.
14 Justice is turned back,
And righteousness stands afar off;
For truth is fallen in the street,
And equity cannot enter.
15 So truth fails,
And he who departs from evil makes himself a prey.The Redeemer of Zion
Then the LORD saw it, and it displeased Him
That there was no justice.
16 He saw that there was no man,
And wondered that there was no intercessor;
Therefore His own arm brought salvation for Him;
And His own righteousness, it sustained Him.
17 For He put on righteousness as a breastplate,
And a helmet of salvation on His head;
He put on the garments of vengeance for clothing,
And was clad with zeal as a cloak.
18 According to their deeds, accordingly He will repay,
Fury to His adversaries,
Recompense to His enemies;
The coastlands He will fully repay.
19 So shall they fear
The name of the LORD from the west,
And His glory from the rising of the sun;
When the enemy comes in like a flood,
The Spirit of the LORD will lift up a standard against him.
20 “ The Redeemer will come to Zion,
And to those who turn from transgression in Jacob,”
Says the LORD.
21 “As for Me,” says the LORD, “this is My covenant with them: My Spirit who is upon you, and My words which I have put in your mouth, shall not depart from your mouth, nor from the mouth of your descendants, nor from the mouth of your descendants’ descendants,” says the LORD, “from this time and forevermore.”
<(((><
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29 comments:
I would try to post something here but you would not hear what I am saying anyway. I have not done or said one thing to apologize for in this. I responded to what you said when you were here with concerns. Yes, I repeated my advice more than once since I feel that you guys are not doing right by Malikai. I did not, however, say anything that I need to go back on. You just always take a holier than thou attitude on anything I say or do and think that you know better than anyone or every matter. You don't! I, too, have talked to people- my family and one close friend- not the entire world on a public blog. Everyone that I say my two issues are 1)That you SAID Malikai is a brat time and again. That he cries and you just put him in his play pen till he cries it out. That Danae goes to a different floor of the house anytime he cries because she cannot handle it. That she got mad at you while you were visiting because Kaiti and Kathi picked him up too early one morning and she doesn't want him to start getting up that early because she doesn't want to take care of him until she has had her sleep. My stand on these issues have been this- that a 10 month old baby should not be called a brat and just left to cry. He is trying to communicate with his parents and has needs beyond feeding and diapering. Sometimes he is sad, angry, confused or just needs a hug. He has no other way to let you know these things. I am seriously concerned that he will be emotionally harmed by being ignored. Facts also are that Danae says that she felt that her mom did not want her. I simply don't want Malikai to feel that way. If you think he's a brat already, you have a lot of surprises coming. I never called you a brat that early and I always responded to your cries.
Point 2) Babies should be bathed more often than once every two weeks. I did not just come out and ask you how often you bathe him. I said that he needed a bath because he smelled like burp up and pee. He arrived here in a really stinky diaper which happens, I know. I just felt that he needed a bath. You said to me then that "we only bathe him once every two weeks". You did state that you wipe him down at other times between. I still think this is not right. We all feel better when we are clean and bathed. When you are out somewhere and just wipe down, say camping or something, do you feel as clean as when you get a bath?
These were my only two points and pretty much how I presented them to you. Just like that. I did not even get testy until you said I wasn't welcome at your house. Then I said that I felt you were both being lazy in not doing right by Malikai.
I have had past issues with BOTH you and Danae, but I never even said ANYTHING about her with these issues other than saying that I felt you were BOTH being nasty in not bathing him more. DID I???? BE TRUTHFUL NOW!!
I also spoke to you on how the Bible says for the older people to teach the younger people and how that we have all been given advice over the years that we have learned from.
You, however, decided to escalate this into something major because it is easier to do that than to admit that you may not always be right and that someone else may know something. I know that I haven't always been a perfect mother, but this is what this is all about. I just want everyone out on this blog to know this. You made me sound like the wicked witch of the west or something on your blog. Like I swooped in on my broom and laid curses on you and your wife while you two just sat there all defenseless. I won't begin to air for public display all of the reasons that I have had concerns over you and Danae because I don't think that would be the proper thing to do. I will however ask you to consider when I really got concerned. That was when a baby was in the picture too.
Yes, I did state that there is such a thing as grandparents rights in my email and that I was considering that, but only after you said that I couldn't see Malikai again. Sorry for not being more heartless. I just hate the thought of not seeing him. I will not, however, after much thought on the matter be doing that. I do not want to have to fight that battle and see him under such stressful circumstances. As a result, by your wish, we are staying out of your lives. That is also a monetary action as giving you any money requires being in contact. This ends the diaper money every payday and there will be no money forthcoming after probate ends. Just letting you know so that you can plan accordingly.
About Becky's scripture to me. Let her read this, see my emails and exactly what and how I said what I said, and why, then I'll listen to her. I won't listen to people giving a sermon based solely on your skewed version of things.
This is the only time I intend to post on here, but felt that it was necessary to set the record straight. I love you and I always will. You will always be my son, but if the only way I can be around it to walk on eggshells, always tell you guys all you do is right and to never have a concern about my grandson, then I can't live with that. SO....
The above comment was logged in using Kathi's password and name because I do not have a gmail account. However, it was written and posted by Wendy, Jon's mom.
Like I keep mentioning, you get mad at me based on the ASSUMPTIONS that you have, even when I tell you otherwise.
1) I feel that you guys are not doing right by Malikai.
- The doctors, DHS, and others have told me that what we are doing with Malikai is fine, so this is only your personal feeling, not fact.
2) You just always take a holier than thou attitude on anything I say or do and think that you know better than anyone or every matter.
- Just because Danae and I want to raise our child differently doesn't meant that we think we are better than anybody else.
3) not the entire world on a public blog.
- The only people who read or care about this blog are my family and a few friends.
4) That he cries and you just put him in his play pen till he cries it out. That Danae goes to a different floor of the house anytime he cries because she cannot handle it.
- ONLY when he is throwing a temper tantrum and nothing will sooth him, we don't do this every single time he cries. Have you ever wanted to leave the room of your children who were throwing a fit? Or want to leave the house because your children are annoying you?
5) she doesn't want him to start getting up that early because she doesn't want to take care of him until she has had her sleep.
- She doesn't want Malikai's schedule to change when it's working so well for him. Why should Danae or I have to get up earlier, not because Malikai needs it, but just because you guys changed his schedule while we were visiting? Danae, often, is up earlier and waits until Malikai gets up (around 10am) to get him up and feeding.
6) He is trying to communicate with his parents and has needs beyond feeding and diapering. Sometimes he is sad, angry, confused or just needs a hug.
- Yes, and sometimes he just wants to throw a fit.
7) am seriously concerned that he will be emotionally harmed by being ignored.
- I told you this isn't the case, but still, you refuse to believe me!
8) I always responded to your cries.
- Didn't you let your babies cry themselves to sleep at night? How cruel...
9) Babies should be bathed more often than once every two weeks.
- We give him a bath as often as he needs it. Usually this is every week, sometimes it is every two weeks, but almost EVERY SINGLE NIGHT we give him a wipe down with bathing wipes. The doctors, and an ex-DHS worker said this was absolutely fine!
10) I said that he needed a bath
- If you did, I never heard you say that. You just asked how often we bathe him.
11) "we only bathe him once every two weeks".
- Another example of ignoring what I say and focusing on just a single part of it. I said that we bathe him as often as he needs it. Sometimes multiple times a week, sometimes every week, and sometimes every other week.
12) You did state that you wipe him down at other times between. I still think this is not right.
- Well, the doctor doesn't agree with you there.
13) These were my only two points and pretty much how I presented them to you. Just like that.
- Yeah, exactly like that, except for a few added words like "Well, you're nasty. Your baby smells bad. Not his fault, but yours. You look ridiculous with your hair like that and you need a hair cut." and "TOO BAD!! YOU ARE OFFENDING ME!! I can't believe my own son is so uncaring and nasty!!" or ". The bathing can only make him feel better and the only reason not to do that is plum laziness." (we have worries about Malikai in baths, that is why we don't do it more often) "That is ludicrous!!", and every single quote, was from two of the 3 emails that were sent to me BEFORE I told you that you were not welcome here.
If what you were concerned about was true, I understand why you would be concerned, but you refuse to accept that Danae and I might actually be doing a good job.
14) "You, however, decided to escalate this into something major because it is easier to do that than to admit that you may not always be right and that someone else may know something."
- No, the reasons I told you that you are not welcome:
1) You don't respect us as adults or parents.
2) No matter how often you apologize you still continue to do the same things over and over again, we don't trust your apologies anymore.
3) You slander Danae, spreading false information to others.
4) You can't just give advice and leave it, if we don't follow exactly everything you say then you refuse to drop the issue and keep exasperating us until we obey.
5) I don't want Malikai to be exposed to someone who acts like they hate, and constantly belittle, his parents
6) I'm tired of these issues with you happening every time we get together, I want them resolved once and for sure, but that will not happen until you change your heart. You even say yourself that you "try" to not say bad things about Danae, why would you have to try?
7) I'm tired of these false assumptions you bring up, despite whatever we tell you contrary.
8) ANYBODY, who tries to tear down my wife and I based on things that are not true, will not be allowed in my house and I'm not going to their house, I can promise you that. All I'm doing differently with this now, is that I'm not excluding family members any longer.
9) The Bible says that when you get married, you need to LEAVE your father and mother and CLEAVE to your wife. Anybody who tries to get in the way of my wife and I, I don't want around.
The list could go on and on, but basically, I'm just tired of all this happening over and over again. I'm not your little child anymore, I don't have to submit myself to it. If I let it, this same attitude towards us will continue for years to come, something needs to be done to change it.
I am trying not to bring up who I was talking about in this blog, but I can't stop you from revealing yourself if that's your wish.
we are at an impasse. let it go. You stay there, we will stay here. Live your lives. We will live ours. Someday I will have other grand children and won't have to put up with yours and Danae's bull.
you notice the only time i say anything is after i've been around you and you've told me these things.
how were you not trying to bring me up when before you took the other blogs off, you said your mother?
A message was posted in the chatbox of ETM from Greg regarding his thoughts on this situation, so I'm posting them here only because he doesn't have a google account. I called Greg and he said that he would like me to post this so we get another parents point of view for this.
===========
From Greg
===========
No worries Jon, we are ALL praying for this situation. I am reminded of what the Bible says about being known by the fruit we bear. In laymens terms, if we call ourselves a pear tree, but obviously only produce apples, no amount of "saying" were a pear tree will convince anyone of anything. Just because peopl in your life are calling themselves "Christians", their fruti will bear their witness.......not only to other Christians, but to others in the secular world............If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, & flies like a duck, then no matter HOW much they call themselves a eagle, it doesn't make them one........WE love you guys & WILL be praying for you & hopefully hearts will get chaged. If not, may God have mercy..............~Greg from MWCity, OK~
I tried to post this in response of your blog.....but couldn't. So I will post it here...............................Jon, rest assured that you & Danae are just fine by YOUR raising of YOUR child. I have & continue to raise 4 VERY healthy little boys by doing MANY of the exact same things you are & by ALSO being told by their doctors that they are PERFECTLY healthy & fine. In fact, it is a PROVEN fact, not just assumption, that allowing a child to cry, is healthy for them. It is allowing their lungs to develop & grow. What isn't healthy for them is to run & pick them up every single time they wimper. In fact, there are MANY studies stating that NOT allowing your children to cry, actually makes them more adapt to develop ashma & other breathing problems later in life.
Many prayers are going up for you guys in hopes that someday maybe families can be healed, but if not, know that what you guys are doing for your child is doing him just fine. God Bless you all........Greg
i think u need to get rid of the google requirement for this blog.
Another thing...you called Greg from work? How?? o_O
I think the gmail requirement is dumb. The only peoples' opinions that matter are ones with GMAIL accounts, didn't you know?
>=0)
As far as how I called from work, check out Grand Central.
And anybody who doesn't have a google account, should get one!
But I still removed the gmail requirement, at least until things get carried away. ;)
so what you, and this guy are saying is that, slandering your mother, and putting it onthe internet for the whole world to see is just fine, and the most christian thing you can do, but giving your son advice and talking about it with your family, oh that's is the worst thing you can do and automatically makes you a devil worshiper!
I'm not slandering mom, I took down all posts mentioning mom and replaced it with a post that didn't imply her a single time. Mom brought herself into it with her comment.
A very few people actually read my blog, mostly family and a couple of my friends, so no, the entire internet isn't going to see i.
The problem with mom giving advice is she doesn't know what her boundaries are, she doesn't just give advice, she expects that you do anything she advises and then gets mad if you don't. It isn't her place to dictate to us how we are to raise Malikai. I have said the same thing from the beginning.
And I never called mom a devil worshiper, ever. Quit slandering me by accusing me of something that I never said.
no, you didn't mention her by name in the current write up, but you did in the previous one that everyone had seen. Everyone knew who you were talking about. You have gotten mad and forbidden mom to visit you when all she did was discuss these issues with you. She may have gotten a little grumpy, but so did you. You expect her not to care about Malikai. You tell her things that worry her and then want to say she has no reason to worry. She never even said anything bad against Danae. She only said you were both being lazy and for that you told her not to visit. Good going Jon!! You're such a wonderful Christian example!! At least now she sees that you are a hypocrite and no better than anyone else. Now that you don't have mom to get mad at and try to bully, who's it going to be? Danae? HA!!! She keeps your balls in a box that only she has a key to!!
I'm not going to continue this discussion on any further. I've said earlier why I told mom not to come, it isn't just one reason, so if you want to know, reread it.
i have read it and reread it and can only find that she was trying to help you. she didn't say anything nasty until you got nasty, all she did was defend herself, but you can't possibly be wrong can you? what you don't want to continue this because you know i'm right!
is stephanie banned from your house because she got in an arguement with danae when she was there?
you are such a jerk Jon! learn to care about someone other than yourself! You need to listen and not post things publicly and say your mom is not Christian. I mean what the hell is she gonna do, come to your house with a gun! Obviously you dont know her well enough.
FYI- I saw on the main board that Greg thought it odd how someone posted as anonymous. Just to let you know, I asked around here and it didn't come from inside this house. Just thought you might want to know. I thought that maybe one of the kids had written it, but they didn't. Just wanted that fact known. Of course, you probably won't believe that because I said it and we all know how unchristian I am and all!! By the way Greg, doesn't the Bible teach you not to judge, yet you do. I have read some of your past posts and find you to be rather a sniveling character. I question your Christianity. It isn't God I want no part of, but you and your brand or religion. You all remind me of the Pharisees. They, too, thought that they were the best with their noses in the air following all the rules. Jesus is here for those of us who aren't so perfect. One question for Jon- how did I ever slander Danae in all of this? HOW? You won't have an answer because I didn't. The only time I said ANYTHING about her was when I said that you were BOTH being lazy. I have not been spreading gossip about her. I have been saying nothing but good stuff about her since she got her act together and started caring for her child. YOU on the other hand, I have spoken about with my mom and sister. NOT everyone who happens to log onto a website. I also have purposely not spoken of so many things I could have said on here that would make you two look really bad because I care about you and don't want to do that to you. You have no problem doing it to me, but I can't control what you say.
I will miss getting to see Malikai on his birthday and at Christmas, but I will live through it because I, too, am tired of all of this. I won't go through the rest of my life feeling like I can't have an opinion or say anything to you without offending you. You are easily offended. If I have done anything in your growing up years to make you resent me so bad, I am sorry. I am not, however, sorry for what I said this time. It needed said. I still have the same opinion on those two matters. You know me. You know that I think it is important to be clean and you know that I think it is important to love your babies and give them lots of hugs. I won't change on these matters. I don't think that my attitude is any more out of place than yours obviously is. You have no cause for all of this, but you have persisted. I tell you what I think. I think that you are listening to other people and not what your heart knows is right.
I know that your birthday is coming up here in a few weeks. It will be really sad to not get to even send you a card, but you have made it clear that you want nothing to do with us. Dad says that as long as your heart is so cold towards us and as long as you persist in your attitude that I am not allowed to so much as send you a dime for a present or anything. He said if our opinions and ideas are so terrible to you, and if we are so awful to be around, then what we have to offer isn't worth anything to you either. I really wish that I hadn't bought a gift for Danae either. It doesn't seem fair that she got a gift and I can't send one to you or to Malikai.
If Robert calls me, and he often does to see how you are, I plan to give him you phone number and tell him that if he wants to know about you to call you himself. I will let him know that I feel that you and him have a lot in common. You both have no problem dumping people.
You say that you have boundaries. Where do those boundaries start and stop? With you mother only!! How brave of you! Not your wife. Not her family. Not anyone else. Just your mom. Well, I am getting better at dealing with your rejection. I have gone a couple of days without even looking on here, but today I was just wondering what all was being said about me so I decided to get on. I must say, between being compared to a spider by your holier than though friends and being talked about on here as if I wasn't a Christian, you pretty well have your bases covered. You say that I am slandering Danae, but give no thought to what you are saying publicly about me. Don't tell me that you didn't say these things either. You posted the comments from Becky. Even if it was Bible verse, you posted them towards me. You posted Greg's comments on here to make sure that everyone saw them. I could take Bible verses and turn them inside out too, but I don't.
You call yourself a Christian, but I don't see it. You can tell a Christian by their love and you are not showing any love at all. My concerns were voiced from a grandmother's heart. I want the best for Malikai. I am praying that he will be alright even though you have a hard heart towards him. I never called you a brat when you were a baby. I think that is awfully sad for him. You yourself said that he seemed so much less fussy here and I told you then that it was because he was getting attention. When you first got here one of the first things you said is that we couldn't pick him up much because he wasn't to be spoiled. Boy could I hear someone else telling you that!!! I told you that was not happening at grandma's house. He will be loved on when he is here. You and Greg are both so wrong about ignoring babies. I wish that you had needs that no one would meet. I hope that you feel really sad and lonely and that everyone ignores you and chalks it up to you throwing a fit and not wanting to spoil you. Babies that little cannot be spoiled. They can only either have their communications ignored or answered. NO OTHER IN BETWEENS!! If by changing my attitude you mean that I have to think that you are doing right when I feel you are so wrong, I won't!! That is my only crime. You say it is because I don't respect you but I can't respect everything that you do when I think that you are wrong.
By the way, talk about timing, Robert just called and I gave him your number as I said I would. Enjoy your visits with him. You two should have a lot to talk about!! You can talk about how east it is to tell me to get lost. Or how easy it is to decide I have no place in your life anymore. Or about how terrible I am. GO AHEAD!! You have talked to everyone else. Talk to him too!!1
do you see what you have done jon? do you see how badly your selfish actions have hurt people? do you even care? probably not because that is the way you are. you are just like your father, but no, that's not possible because you're perfect, right? you are not perfect, and you are very wrong in this! i never thought you would be capable of something like this, but i guess i was wrong about you! have a good life!
by the way, this is kathi!
ok, i dont have a google account so to bad you have a problem with it, tell it to someone who cares!
you hurt people Jon and dont post all of what your mom said only parts that would make her sound bad and you dont post what you said either! i read the e-mails to!! you are hurting people more then you know!
The gmail requirement was removed a few days ago.
ok, good!
I am anonymous so if you got a problem please do tell.
nice taylor!way to go!
Why doesn't Jon write on here?
because he knows he's wrong!
So it's a guilt thing really.
Ok, Jon, you say that you want to fix what people hear about you two, but no one can hear Wendy's side! Only your dumbass-Holier than thou claims!!!
nicely put taylor! i like it
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